I took contentment for granted.....

I took contentment for granted .........and it was almost fatal.

2006 was the worst year ever in my life ( fom what I remenber of it anyway..)

I rhink that if I was to single one reason why it was so..it would be because,...( see the title..)//

what do I mean by taking contentment for granted...taking unspeaknle joy for granted...happyiness for granted...

all of that was mine but I decided that it was nothing and and on a journey to blame God for not having more..belittling these...

the result : frustation..un-happyness..misery...things I was used to even though I though I was...

it s when things are taking away from u that u realised that u had them..that they were so present in ur life...and so crucial..

I went on a journey( sparing"u" the details) a journey to deny all of that ..a journey of being of doing and not being...oh dear it was awful...

where before I could spend so much time just being with "Him" and chilling out...also spending time in my own comonay was all fien...but then .......everything changed...

I couldnt anymore do that it had become realllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hard...

I couldnt stand his voice anymore..and was running away fromHim...helped by all kinds of"means"...

trying to fill up my thoughts with all kinds n sorts provided it was not of Him...

in the process inventing ways to hurt Him because I was upset at Him...

anyway...little by little I lost this "explainable"peace .lost this Joy from above...

After trying everything else and after everyhting ran out of effect...( work-hobbies-friendship..etc..)

I was back to square one...

like 13 yrs ago before I got to know him...peaceless...joyless...everyhting-less.....

Oh dear I felt weird..

I had been so used to being happy...with trials Yes ..but nevertheless very happy..very content..

it was a weird state of heart...

I couldnt stand work anymore...I got bored at everyhting very quickly....I didnt even like to watch "bollywood movies"..anymore..now I coul relate to my friends who found these long movies boring...( that was quite a revelation to me..)

I hated to listen to worship music...

I think the worst of all..Is that I couldnt stand the reading the book of life anymore..that was sth ..it had become completely irrelevant to me...I just couldnt .....

Anyway...

A relationship with the King of Kings is really something full of suprises///

I really wouldnt have thought getting that low in my relationship with him...

but Once thing I know is that I cant live without Him////

that`s for sure...

I dont care how much I don`t understand him...or how much I do..

hopefully no way ..Ill try again....

when uve tested the gift of Heaven ...nothing tastes better....Nothing...

and the "little " we take for granted are the biggest things in life...the more precious...

this life is so hard that one needs this peace,joy,contentment from Heaven..to make it through...

So what can I say I am not figthing it off...anymore...

Bring it on ....